There are three different paths you can take to resolve your divorce:
1) Mediation,
2) Negotiation, or
3) Litigation.
While Litigation may not be the goal, it may be necessary at times, depending on the circumstances of your divorce. That being said, most divorce cases can be resolved with mediation and/or negotiation.
Mediation v. Negotiation:
Mediation is for those times when you and your spouse have a very hard time communicating with each other, maybe each conversation you have turns into a battle, and you require a neutral professional trained and experienced in mediation to foster communication, set ground rules for a productive conversation, and guide both of you to a resolution.
Negotiation is more suitable for those who believe they can have an adult conversation with their spouse and do not want to involve a third party, whether neutral or not, but would rather have their attorneys negotiate the terms between them.
If you are considering mediation or negotiation as part of your divorce, you may already know one important thing: you want more control over the outcome.
The Three Ways I Can Help You If You’re Using Mediation in Your Divorce
Mediation allows couples to resolve issues privately, respectfully, and often more efficiently than traditional litigation. But many people don’t realize that there are different ways an experienced family law attorney can support them throughout that process.
As a family law attorney practicing in New York and New Jersey, and as a certified mediator, I work with clients in three distinct roles, depending on their needs.
Here are the three ways I can help you if you are using mediation in your divorce.
1. I Can Serve as Your Neutral Mediator
Some couples want to resolve their divorce amicably and work together to reach an agreement. They want to control the outcome, not leave life-altering decisions to a judge.
In those cases, I serve as a certified, neutral mediator.
As your mediator, I:
- Guide structured discussions between both spouses.
- Help identify and organize all necessary issues.
- Ensure important topics are addressed (assets, child support, alimony, parenting plans, etc.)
- Answer general legal questions about how the law works in New York and New Jersey.
- Facilitate productive, respectful communication.
My role in mediation is neutral. That means I do not advocate for one party over the other, and I do not provide individualized legal advice during the sessions.
Instead, I create a constructive environment where both parties can speak openly, understand their options, and work toward mutually acceptable solutions.
For many couples, this process is more private, less adversarial, and significantly less stressful than litigation.
2. I Can Act as a Consulting Attorney During Mediation
Not everyone feels comfortable entering mediation without personal legal guidance. Some individuals want to participate in mediation, but they also want to fully understand their rights before making final decisions.
In that situation, if you already have a neutral mediator assisting you or if you want assistance with picking a mediator to assist you, I can serve as your consulting attorney.
This is different from being a neutral mediator. As a consulting attorney, I advise only you, but outside of the mediation room.
In this role, I can:
- Meet with you before mediation to explain your legal rights.
- Help you understand potential outcomes under New York or New Jersey law.
- Review proposed settlement terms.
- Prepare yourself for negotiation discussions.
- Answer questions about child support, asset division, or alimony.
- Provide strategic guidance without escalating the process.
This option is ideal for individuals who want to stay in mediation but want the security of legal advice behind the scenes.
It provides clarity and confidence without turning the process into litigation. Added bonus, I can draft the divorce documents once mediation is finalized and/or represent you if the mediation falls apart, as I am already familiar with your case.
3. I Can Represent You If Mediation Is Unsuccessful
While mediation works well for many couples, it is not always successful. If mediation breaks down, maybe because one party becomes unreasonable, you may need formal legal representation.
If that happens, as long as I was not your mediator, I can step in as your divorce attorney.
If I had already worked with you, either as a consultant or before mediation, I understand the background, the issues in dispute, and your goals.
That continuity can be extremely valuable. There is no need to start over with a new attorney who must learn your case’s history from scratch.
If you did not have a lawyer during your mediation and/or did not have me as your consultant, my experience with mediation and being a mediator myself puts me at a unique position to jump right into negotiations on your behalf and represent you moving forward.
As your divorce attorney, I can:
- File and respond to court papers
- Advocate for you in negotiations.
- Represent you in court.
- Protect your financial and parental rights.
Mediation does not eliminate your ability to pursue litigation, if necessary; it simply allows you the opportunity to resolve matters first. Also, mediation is completely confidential, and nothing you said and/or provided to the mediator can be used before a court of law.
If you are considering divorce in New York or New Jersey and mediation is part of that conversation, it is important to understand how legal support can strengthen, not undermine, the mediation process.
The right structure can help you move forward with clarity, protection, and control. If you’re considering mediation, I am here to help.
